What Is Jealousy?

When thinking about jealousy in the context of relationships, vignettes involving love triangles, cheating, and all things melodrama instantly pop into our heads. Conventional portrayals of jealousy are overwhelmingly negative, an sentiment that may stem from fundamentally misinterpreting its nature. Whereas envy is longing for something absent, jealousy is protecting something present.

It’s no secret that relationships require hard work. We invest time and affection to develop intimacy and trust; an inter and intrapersonal process that needs to be continually maintained while the relationship is present. It involves patience and commitment, and when what we have allocated time and effort into is infringed upon, jealousy springs up to protect us.

But what if our alarm system sensitivity level is set too high? Our jealousy might be triggered by a partner’s platonic hug to a friend or their spending much time texting someone else. In this case, we might be overly protective of what we have.

Research has shown that personality traits, such as lack of self-esteem, sense of inadequacy, or codependency, can predispose one to lower thresholds of jealousy.