Surviving Family Gatherings
With the holiday season quickly approaching, many people will likely to be spending more time with their close friends and family. While it can often be an enjoyable time, engagements can also be extremely challenging given the complexity of family systems. Unresolved conflict, relational strife, divergent opinions and clashing personalities all contribute to what might be tense and uncomfortable spaces. Research has shown that close relationships defined by chronic negativity can result not only in poor mental health but in physical consequences such as high blood pressure, inflammation, and heart disease. Here are some ways to most effectively approach difficult interactions during gatherings.
Actively Ignore: There are few things more effective at derailing unity than topics surrounding politics and religion. When these subject threads do come up, it might be a good idea to ignore them. Often times individuals engage in these issues to seek the engagement, negative or not, that they conjure. Choosing to ignore them, shrugging it off as uninteresting or changing the conversation works to detract that underlying attractor and robs the volatile topic of its potency.
Regulate Your Emotions: Paying attention to your emotional state will inform you of your needs. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or highly anxious, chances are you are also tense or rigid. Muscle relaxation and deep breathing are good ways to re-attune your state and ensure you are in the best place to make decisions and actions. If the immediate environment is too overwhelming, temporarily removing yourself and leaving the room, going outside, or using the restroom, are appropriate breaks.
Set and Abide by Boundaries: When difficult interactions emerge, go back to the boundaries that serve to protect you. You can’t healthily relate to someone when you don’t feel safe. Decide beforehand what you will and will not do. You don’t have to answer every question about your private life and can be completely selective about what you want to disclose. You don’t have to rush in and fix every issue or problem that arise between other people; it’s their responsibility and not yours. In the same way, you don’t have to please everyone at the cost of your having a good time. You’re there to connect and enjoy the time, and adhering to your boundaries will help facilitate that.
Being with family and other close others can be a stressful and challenging time. It is always an appropriate option to seek help from a mental health professional to find ways to best navigate relationships in your life.